Today I started out grumpy, and feeling really insecure about a lot of decisions I’ve had to make recently, which meant the day started slowly and not super well. My pep talk to myself on the way to work was useful, and just rationalizing a lot of my behavior and decisions to myself throughout the day was helpful. I lasped into sadness a few times, but I’m fully determined not to let it get the better of it. The decisions I’ve been making are dificult ones, ones that I know I have to make to be able to take care of myself properly but also ones I wouldn’t have made in the past, when I was less aware of what I had to do to practice good self-care, so today’s struggle is keeping my confidence in myself and not letting insecurity hold me back.
I *finally* went for my first run since I moved here! I noticed a little running trail when I went for lunch, so I figured I’d check it out. Unfortunately I didn’t get too far down the trail before I started losing the light and figured I should stick to more brightly lit streets, but all in all I was out for maybe 25 minutes – not bad for someone who hasn’t run in ages!
Because of the ups and downs in my mood, my food sort of followed. I woke up late this morning and had no time for breakfast and no easy lunches to grab, so I took one of the dry and slightly unappetizing muffins from the weekend, and that was breakfast (it really wasn’t enough for breakfast, but in that kind of a mood it’s a success to get any food down me).
Lunch was another time of flux, I started off heading for my usual mainstay of a bad day; pizza. After downing a slice and half a bottle of sickly-sweet Brisk lemonade, I did the usual thing where I felt bad about my food choices. I ended up at a grocery store where I bought a banana and a salad. The banana was a great supplement to my pizza meal, and made me feel less gross and greasy, but after all that I was too full for the salad, so it has been saved for lunch tomorrow. I worried a lot today about how my ability to exercise today was going to be affected by my food choices, as in the past I’ve really been able to tell when I’ve made poor diet choices in the way that I feel when exercising. Hopefully this drives home once again the lesson that if you don’t fuel your body properly, with good food and enough sleep (and not poisoning it with alcohol like the weekend) then how can you expect it to do what you need it to?
I hit another bad spell around dinner time, which means I ended up eating late, so I went with my usual Mac and cheese… it could be a lot worse, but still isn’t great. It’s also the only thing I want to eat at the moment because my acid reflux has fired up after all my poor choices this weekend.
On the bright side I drank a fair amount of water today! I’ll post this then go get another glass 🙂